I'm just gonna come out and say it!

Most of our friends and family are aware of the struggles that Chad and I have faced.  We have always been unlucky and unfortunate.  I have recently turned to God in hopes of turning this around.  No, I am not praying to him asking him to fix things for us, but I have been talking to him to try to get some clarity.  My eyes have been opening!!!  "I need to make the change I want to see!"

So lets start in 2008 when I began to focus on my health and lost 40 lbs!  I was so proud of myself and proved that I am capable of making a change.  I was the happiest I had been ever been!  And then we got pregnant!  What a way to top it all off.  Little did I know that the unborn child growing in me would test me even more.  Tetrology of Fallot was the verdict that my beautiful daughter would live with.  Depression took over at that point and I didn't know what to do with myself.  We survived pregnancy, birth, and 5 months until her first open heart surgery (there could be more in the future).  And during that time adding more weight than ever before and becoming even more unhealthy and unhappy.  I wouldn't trade that experience for anything, not even the life of my precious baby girl!  I learned that I had more strength than I ever gave myself credit for.

Since then, add a layoff, bankruptcy, and a firing to the mix before ending up with Chad in the Hospital fighting for his life.  That was the tip of the iceberg for me.  I took a lot of time thinking about my family and myself and what I really needed in life.  Carlie spent a lot of time with family, while I drove back and forth from home and the hospital to see Chad.  I had to make big decisions for my family without much guidance.  It was the first time I thought for myself as a woman!  During the time Chad was sick, I began eating healthier.  I knew if I didn't start then, how could I help Chad?  Plus, if (God forbid) Chad didn't come home to us, how was I going to live for Carlie?  I started listening to my gut to tell me what it needed: Vegetables! Whole Grains! Beans!  So that is what I focused on.  I wasn't perfect by any means.

Chad was officially home and on his way to eating better too when we started to get off track.  We did great focusing on making all our meals at home.  I paid attention to everything that I was putting in my mouth.  Although I firmly believed the Panko Breaded Cod was healthier than McDonald's cheeseburgers, I just still didn't feel right about it.  Then we tried to eat out, Sizzler worked great, Subway here and there, Applebee's turned out to work nicely.  We followed the basic guidelines the nutritionist suggested to be diabetic approved.  We picked healthier items on the menu but once put in front of us, we realized we had no clue what they used to cook it.  A seemingly healthy white chicken breast, came greasy with loaded grossness on it.  After a few weeks of thinking we were doing good, I had this feeling deep inside me that it just wasn't right.  Chad and I had quit our evening walks, starting fighting more, and I was unhappy once again.

Then I opened back up the book that was suggested to me in the first place: Dr Neal Barnard's Program for Reversing Diabetes.  I'm still reading it and not very far in the book but truly feel this is the change I need to make.  After a few better meals, I have started walking again and feeling WONDERFUL!  I seriously don't understand how a small change has helped so much.

I have a new passion in life: getting myself happy and healthy to live a long life with my daughter and husband.  I feel the difference and that is enough to keep me on track!  Chad has the same beliefs as me, however he isn't following the same path as I am, not 100%.  It's okay!  I know he is doing good!  I know he feels the same as I do!  I know I love him and Carlie so much that I need to work hard at this.

My future and goals are as follows:  Improve my mood and hopefully lessen my antidepressants!  Teach Carlie to eat healthier!  No more corn dogs or mac and cheese!  Loose weight and feel sexy!  All this is through a Plant Based, Whole Foods diet.  No high fructose corn syrup, no sugar, no processed food, no oily fats, no dairy, and no animal protein.

I am fully aware that I may get some criticism from a few people I know, but I am prepared for that.  I AM HAPPIER!  I know I have a lot to learn and I am doing that day by day.  I also know I have a lot of family to apologize to (Mom and Dad)!!  The only defense I have for myself is that is takes time to turn people around.  Especially when they are at their lowest and completely fogged over by the crap they are going through and putting into themselves.

I have another rough road ahead of me!  I don't plan to get off coarse again, although I see lots of mistakes throughout.  I truly believe that God has been helping me understand what I need to do and guiding me in this direction my whole life.

Quotes from Carlie

While playing with matchbox cars "Drive carefully!"

"My tummy makes me growl. Rawr!"

While driving to Corvallis, "mama, I'm ready to go to school with the boys!"

C gives me a hug. Me: "thanks love bug!" C: "you're welcome ladybug!"

I put a band aide on C: "I feel better, so much better, thank u Mama taking ouchies away!" (Doc McStuffins song) 

"Mama, I need my sunglasses! They warm me up!"

Tiny Dancer

So, Finley may "Move Like Jagger" but she isn't the only dancer in the family!!!

Crafting

     As most of you know, I am between jobs right now and enjoying my time with Carlie.  While Carlie is attempting to walk and Chad is busy working, I have been spending some time doing what I love CRAFTS!!!

     We will start with the cute little red heart.  Each year for Christmas we get Hallmark Ornaments.  Due to the fact that we are very low on money, we had to choose wisely.  I opted to make Carlie's ornament out of Fimo Dough (we also couldn't find one that we loved).  Fimo Dough is a harder version of Play Dough that you can cook to harden it.  I wanted to make something to commemorate her battle this year.  

     I have been searching the for the best diaper bag/purse that is a downsized version of what I already have.  I borrowed from Mel and I looked everywhere!  Finally we were at Cabela's in Springfield for the first time and I found a cute camo tote bag that was perfect!!!  The only problem was that I didn't have a changing pad to take with me.  I could have used the one that adjoined my previous bag but it was too padded that I couldn't fold it up small enough to fit in my new tote bag just fine.  So instead of continuing my search I decided that making a changing pad would be the best route.  Then came google searches to see the best route to make it. I found a tutorial on how to make a changing pad and a carrier for the pad, wipes and few diapers that I fell in love with.  At JoAnn Fabrics, there is some PUL fabric that is specifically meant for homemade cloth diapers, changing pads, bibs and more items for wipe down or soaking purposes.  So I found a cute fabric and picked out some PUL fabric to match.  For those interested in how I made it, I will add my own tutorial soon.

  

      Lastly, I have been looking for a backpack for Carlie to carry some toys in. Usually I use her daycare bag but I always have to dump it out and reload it each time.  Chad has been helping me look for just the right one for her but I have been struggling.  Well, I discovered recently that Goodwill and St. Vinnie's have patterns for really cheap.  I found a pattern for pj pants, a shirt, and a matching bag for a teenager.  A sleepover set.  I really liked the bag so I bought the pattern for a whopping 29 cents.  Then Carlie and I ventured to our favorite store, JoAnn Fabrics in search of the perfect fabric.  Well Carlie didn't like anything accept for the really expensive Corduroy with Dora on it.  We were all ready to settle on a floral one when I spotted another really cute Dora fabric and lucked out that it was a whole lot cheaper!!!

     These are my most recent crafts that I wanted to share.  I have a long list of more I plan on doing.  Thank you Melissa for introducing me to Pinterest where I have found many more Crafts to work on.  My lists consist of Growth charts, button magnets, felt food, quiet books, and more.  I will try and post these as I go in case you are looking for some Christmas ideas of your own.

Carlie "Crawling"

This is Carlie's last week being 9 months old and I thought I would update everyone on all the amazing things this girl has been up to lately.

She has perfected sitting up!  She doesn't look wobbly anymore and when she "falls down" it's because she purposely is choosing to lay down.

She is working on her 8th tooth!  It is going to break the surface any day now!

She can now go from laying down to sitting up on her own! I haven't been able to capture that on video yet but when I do I will show you.

We have been working really hard at getting her to hold her own bottle. Just when we think she's figured it out, she drops the bottle. She just has better things to do with her hands while she is eating. Well I finally decided to just hand her the bottle and figure it out herself. We captured it on the camera doing what she does best: being a couch potato while watching Dora!!



We took her to the beach for the first time! She really enjoyed the feel of the sand. She also got to visit the Hatfield Marine Science Center where she saw and touched sea creatures and other rocks. She also got a book, A Good Catch, signed by the author, Taylor Morrison! Here are a few pictures of our weekend in Newport, OR:

Carlie looking at an octopus.Carlie having a blast feeling some petrified wood.Carlie and Dada in front of a submarine.Carlie sitting in the sand. The pacifier didn't stay in long, she had to make room for sand.

Carlie has decided that she wants to start crawling. She has not perfected the art of army crawling, because she gets too frustrated and just decides to roll. She has figured out how to maneuver her way around the living room through rolling. I have a video of Carlie "crawling" around the room. Notice a few times she attempts to get into the correct crawling position but gives up. It is a 4 minute video but well worth watching. Enjoy!!

Big girl Carlie!!!

Carlie finally took a big girl bath! (that's what I am calling it) She sat up in the bathtub all by herself. Of course I couldn't let go of her for 1 second because I was too nervous that she would fall back. She did so wonderfully! Plus she enjoyed playing with her toys. Here are a few pictures for your enjoyment:

Looking at the toy in anticipation!

I am back!!!

Sorry it has been so long since I blogged; even though I didn't blog much before. I will try to post more often since I have more to talk about with a munchkin in the house now! I will start with a few pictures of my baby girl Carlie Alexis.

Carlie was born on September 7, 2010. She is a very happy baby who smiles a lot! She has rolled over a few times, plays peek-a-boo (mostly with Chad), and loves to watch our cats. Chad and I are so happy to have her in our lives, we couldn't imagine life without her!