Most of our friends and family are aware of the struggles that Chad and I have faced. We have always been unlucky and unfortunate. I have recently turned to God in hopes of turning this around. No, I am not praying to him asking him to fix things for us, but I have been talking to him to try to get some clarity. My eyes have been opening!!! "I need to make the change I want to see!"
So lets start in 2008 when I began to focus on my health and lost 40 lbs! I was so proud of myself and proved that I am capable of making a change. I was the happiest I had been ever been! And then we got pregnant! What a way to top it all off. Little did I know that the unborn child growing in me would test me even more. Tetrology of Fallot was the verdict that my beautiful daughter would live with. Depression took over at that point and I didn't know what to do with myself. We survived pregnancy, birth, and 5 months until her first open heart surgery (there could be more in the future). And during that time adding more weight than ever before and becoming even more unhealthy and unhappy. I wouldn't trade that experience for anything, not even the life of my precious baby girl! I learned that I had more strength than I ever gave myself credit for.
Since then, add a layoff, bankruptcy, and a firing to the mix before ending up with Chad in the Hospital fighting for his life. That was the tip of the iceberg for me. I took a lot of time thinking about my family and myself and what I really needed in life. Carlie spent a lot of time with family, while I drove back and forth from home and the hospital to see Chad. I had to make big decisions for my family without much guidance. It was the first time I thought for myself as a woman! During the time Chad was sick, I began eating healthier. I knew if I didn't start then, how could I help Chad? Plus, if (God forbid) Chad didn't come home to us, how was I going to live for Carlie? I started listening to my gut to tell me what it needed: Vegetables! Whole Grains! Beans! So that is what I focused on. I wasn't perfect by any means.
Chad was officially home and on his way to eating better too when we started to get off track. We did great focusing on making all our meals at home. I paid attention to everything that I was putting in my mouth. Although I firmly believed the Panko Breaded Cod was healthier than McDonald's cheeseburgers, I just still didn't feel right about it. Then we tried to eat out, Sizzler worked great, Subway here and there, Applebee's turned out to work nicely. We followed the basic guidelines the nutritionist suggested to be diabetic approved. We picked healthier items on the menu but once put in front of us, we realized we had no clue what they used to cook it. A seemingly healthy white chicken breast, came greasy with loaded grossness on it. After a few weeks of thinking we were doing good, I had this feeling deep inside me that it just wasn't right. Chad and I had quit our evening walks, starting fighting more, and I was unhappy once again.
Then I opened back up the book that was suggested to me in the first place: Dr Neal Barnard's Program for Reversing Diabetes. I'm still reading it and not very far in the book but truly feel this is the change I need to make. After a few better meals, I have started walking again and feeling WONDERFUL! I seriously don't understand how a small change has helped so much.
I have a new passion in life: getting myself happy and healthy to live a long life with my daughter and husband. I feel the difference and that is enough to keep me on track! Chad has the same beliefs as me, however he isn't following the same path as I am, not 100%. It's okay! I know he is doing good! I know he feels the same as I do! I know I love him and Carlie so much that I need to work hard at this.
My future and goals are as follows: Improve my mood and hopefully lessen my antidepressants! Teach Carlie to eat healthier! No more corn dogs or mac and cheese! Loose weight and feel sexy! All this is through a Plant Based, Whole Foods diet. No high fructose corn syrup, no sugar, no processed food, no oily fats, no dairy, and no animal protein.
I am fully aware that I may get some criticism from a few people I know, but I am prepared for that. I AM HAPPIER! I know I have a lot to learn and I am doing that day by day. I also know I have a lot of family to apologize to (Mom and Dad)!! The only defense I have for myself is that is takes time to turn people around. Especially when they are at their lowest and completely fogged over by the crap they are going through and putting into themselves.
I have another rough road ahead of me! I don't plan to get off coarse again, although I see lots of mistakes throughout. I truly believe that God has been helping me understand what I need to do and guiding me in this direction my whole life.
